Indescribable Joy


She will be 7 weeks old tomorrow and it feels like it was yesterday that I was pregnant and wondering when she would be here. 

It was a Thursday morning and I met my husband for my OB appointment. Hoping for some changing in my body that hinted at labor but at the same time it super hopeful. I’ve heard so many stories of women being at 3 cm dilated for weeks. WEEKS!  Well, at this appointment there was still no change. My doctor seemed convinced I wouldn’t make it to Monday. I was scheduled to be induced due to having Gestational Diabetes through the end of my pregnancy. 

I went home feeling so worn out from just going to the doctor so I decided to take a nap. As I tried to nap I felt what I thought were Braxton hicks contractions. I had been feeling them for weeks. They made it difficult to get a good nap in because they were so uncomfortable. My husband came home for lunch and as we were talking about his day so far at the office I was having trouble concentrating. The contractions seemed more frequent than usual and sharp. I jokingly told him “you might be taking me to the hospital tonight”. We both kind of laughed. 

Fast forward a few hours of me timing my contractions and texting all of my pregnant and new mom friends asking if I was crazy to think I was in labor. When I realized my contractions had been 3-5 min apart for 3 hours I decided to take a shower, blow dry my hair (I know super weird), double check the hospital bag, and make our bed. 

I was trying to hold off on going to the hospital until my husband came home from work. The contractions felt serious enough to call him around 4pm. I vaguely remember saying on the phone, “hey can you wrap up what you’re doing and come home to drive me to the hospital?”  It was such a weird thing to say. I was convinced I was just over reacting and would just be sent home right away. As I waited for Aaron to come home I just sat in our room trying to soak up the last minutes of our family of two. If I was in labor, in the matter of days our home would be filled with the three of us. 

Aaron came home (a tad frantic yet calm). He said to me, “it’s go time?” We packed up the car and drove to the hospital. As soon as we got there they had me change into a gown, monitor my contractions, and check my cervix. I was there maybe 45 min and they sent me home. I was so embarrassed. They said since I wasn’t dilated more than I was that morning I wasn’t considered to be in labor. They said my contractions are what they need to be and it could be a few hours before I was actually in labor, or it could be in the morning. 

My mom had already been on her way and met us at our house with fried chicken, and mashed potatoes for dinner. I know definitely not something I should have been eating with Gestational Diabetes but I needed food! As I sat there eatingmy contractions continued to get worse. I was home for maybe 2 hours before we decided to go back to the hospital. I was now certain I was in labor. I could barely walk every time I had a contraction. 

As soon as we got to the hospital they checked to see if I was dilated. I went from 3cm to 5cm in just the 2 hours I was home. The nurse told me I wasn’t going home and my baby is on it’s way. I was so terrified but so ready to meet Sawyer I’d do anything to get her out. I was moved to my delivery room and as soon as I got there requested an epidural. I probably asked for it 15 times just to remind them I wanted it. I know myself and my body and an epidural was something I had been planning for and desperately wanting. The interesting thing about labor with and epidural it felt like it was mostly just waiting for my body to change and dilate. That doesn’t necessarily mean no pain, let me be clear about that. I was clicking my epidural medicine button every chance they allowed me to. My water finally broke around 2am from turning over in bed and the nurse said “it’s only a matter of hours now”. 

It wasn’t until 7am when they called my doctor in to deliver Sawyer. He came in and told me, “I’m the coach and you’re the quarter back. I’ll coach you through the whole thing. ” His goal was to have shorter amount of time pushing so I wouldn’t get tired to fast. So I had to wait until I felt like I absolutely had to push. Finally, I got to that point in labor and it was time to go. In delivery with me  was Aaron and my mom. I really can’t describe how incredible Aaron was during delivery. He encouraged me the whole time, while my mom cheered me on as best as they knew how in those moments. He held one of my legs while a nurse held the other. At one point I remember them telling me they could see the top of her head with all of her crazy hair I’d soon see for myself. It motivated me to keep pushing. I so badly wanted to see my little girl. On Friday, November 4th at 9:27 am Sawyer entered the world. Before I knew it she was being placed on my chest and I could hear her let out a loud scream. Instantly tears poured down my face. Feeling a indescribable joy I never thought was possible and felt relieved she was finally here. It was in those moments I felt the joy like God originally intended for us. Before sin and shame entered the world, just joy. 

They removed her from my chest to clean her up while I would be then getting stitches (gross and painful I’ll spare you the details). When I got her back I nursed her for the first time and she latched right away. More tears. She was beautiful and perfect in every way. 

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Indescribable Joy

3 thoughts on “Indescribable Joy

  1. valeribarnes says:

    Bawling now! I was so sad to be so far away while you were giving birth to my first great-grandchild, but this post has made me feel like I was right there! Thanks so much! Oh, Stephanie, I know that you and Aaron are going to be the best parents ever! Sawyer is one blessed baby girl. I can’t tell you how much I love her already, and in just one more day, I’ll actually get to see her in person! Yay God! I love the pictures. They blessed my soul! Love you all so much. Praying for God’s hand upon sweet Sawyer all the days of her life.

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